I hаνе bееn wіth a guy fοr 3 years, first year friends, 2nd year dating, hе brοkе up wіth mе іn Mау stating I sought аftеr more thеn hе сουld give mе. . . (yes hе іѕ аn emotionally unavailable twit), bυt here іѕ thе qυеѕtіοn, hе calls mе 4,6,8 times a day, talks οn thе phone fοr hours аt a time, I аm thе girl thаt knows еνеrу deep dаrk secret, еνеrу tеrrіblе thing, ехсеllеnt thing, everything thаt happens іn hіѕ life. Whу? If I аm thаt vital tο hіm whу dοеѕ hе nοt want tο bе іn a relationship wіth mе?
Two days ago I text hіm аnd tοld hіm thаt I need tο ѕtοр аll contact wіth hіm, hе text back thаt hе sought аftеr tο bе friends, I didn’t аnѕwеr bесаυѕе I know I need tο gеt over hіm аnd gο οn, bυt саnnοt hеlр feeling tеrrіblе fοr hіm bесаυѕе I really wаѕ hіѕ best friend.
Thing іѕ, I want tο continue tο bе friends wіth hіm, bυt hе іѕ dating οthеr people аnd tender οn wіth hіѕ life аnd I still want hіm fοr myself. . Hе knows thіѕ аnd I feel іf I stay hіѕ “best friend” I’m јυѕt giving tοο much аnd nοt getting whаt I need. I саn’t bе everything tο hіm аnd thеn still nοt bе thе “one” јυѕt feels lіkе wе аrе іn a relationship bυt hе hаѕ permission tο take a nap around
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let him know you want to be friends and go on. Clarify to him that he can’t keep calling you all the time like he does. Let him know it gets annoying.
the reason why he doesn’t want to be friends is because if your b-friend knew everything about you, and you guys started dating and it finished pretty hideous, wouldn’t you feel weird or mad/sad whatever if ur ex would start saying things that no one else knows?
Wow thats tough. I never been in the same situation but with that I mean if you feel it best not be friends with him then don’t. You should never do somethin you dont want to do. But maybe you can go and find some other guy to date. Obviously he doesnt want to be your boyfriend. Maybe he just wants a girl he can regard on and that doesnt always mean you have to be his girlfriend. But like i said you should do what you feel.
huh i have a hard time being just friends that meticulously with a girl unless i like them. but thats just me lol. i have one close friend who is a girl but not like this lol.
Unless hes a creeper all you can do is “be there for him” i suppose.
I don’t know, my ex also thinks it’s call to communicate all day every day (online, not on phone though) even though he finished it. I guess because I was the most vital person for him and still am (I don’t reckon he’d dating anyone new yet, and he doesn’t have any close friends).
I did the same thing, questioned him to stop contact at least for a while. It’s hard for me because he was my best friend too, but we need some time apart. I reckon you did right, excellent luck.
Maybe yours hasn’t realised the situation? I’m not sure mine has. He was pretty low maintenance in regards to lynching out and sex so for him it doubtless hasn’t been long enough yet for him to realise something’s gone. Maybe yours is like that?
Excellent luck to both of us and I hope the silly guys figure it out haha
Clarify you just want to be friends and let go.
He is playing games.
Back off for a while and then see how he reacts.
I am a guy and what you describe here is just ridiculous. He told you that the reason he broke up with you is because YOU want more than he can give? What a load of horse you know what. 4,6,8 times he calls a day, and he can’t give you what you need? You’re the one that is lacking so much? I heavily and deeply believe he is mistaken. He’s got it twisted.
I would personally want to have a woman who I could be friends and intimate with, yes, in a girlfriend sense, and not cheating, none of that booty call, one night stand or friends with benefits bs.
He wants to be friends? Are you not friends now? He’s playing around. He wants you there “just in case”. Please, do not be that, you deserve a lot surpass. Find someone that will treat you right. I know it may be hard, but you will get through.
A woman and I went through hxll for several years, we broke up and remained best friends for years. I questioned her to be one of my “groomsmen” (after checking w wife to be). We couldnt last as a couple as I am / was a planner, punctual, honest, faithful, etc – long list of areas we werent compatible, she felt vital to be spur of the moment, free to express herself etc.. But as friends we were fantastic – took a vacation together 2 years after we broke up -
I’ve had my best male friend for over 30 years. We set boundaries around our friendship in the very beginning and we’ve never crossed them. We like each other dearly (but not in a romantic way) and there’s nothing we wouldn’t do for each other.
Excellent friends don’t always make excellent lovers and if you cross the boundaries and it doesn’t work out, you lose not only a lover but your friend as well because it’s next to impossible to return the relationship to the way it was.
You have to realize that everyone you like isn’t going to like you back…..any more than you’re going to like everyone who likes you. It sounds like your expectations from this relationship are very different from his.
He doubtless does like you and care about you. You’ve obviously proven to be a excellent and worthy friend if he confides in you but he just has no romantic interest in you…….and that’s not a terrible thing!! You are expecting more from him than he’s capable of giving and it’s unfortunate you aren’t willing to realize and accept that you have a excellent guy here and shouldn’t walk away from the friendship that you have.
I would be absolutely lost without my best male friend. I stood up for him when he got married, he stood up for me when I got married, I supported him when his wife divorced him, he supported me when my husband died. Everyone needs a “rock” in their life….someone they know will be with them through thick and thin. Excellent friends like that are hard to find.
It would be very hard to go from being in a relationship with someone (especially if it finished hideous) to being best friends again…. maybe “hi hello friends”, but best friends… nah. I couldn’t do it. There would be too many emotions involved at that point. But i guess its your choice.
When a couple break up a relationship, everything you knew about that person including the things you’ve mentioned such as his every huge secrets do not leave you. When in a relationship you get to know a person so much more than if you were really excellent friends, and even though you’ve broken up, the trust you’ve built up in the relationship still remains. Your ex feels like he can tell anything to you because you know each other and trust each other so much- even now as friends. This is why he has so much to say to you, because he doubtless couldn’t say half the things he tells you to any other his other friends. In addition, like still remains after a break up for a long while, this adds to the trust and comfort he finds from you.
Sometimes, a person has the feeling that (even though they do like you) it seems slightly incorrect in a way. Maybe because he’s figured you’re like a sister to him or something, and dating you feels incorrect. There are really so many reasons why he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, but, this doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to be really excellent friends!
If you really want to let go of this guy, then tell him that you don’t want to keep contact with him anymore and tell him that he’s now nobody to you. But i do have to say that this seems a small harsh. Why do you say that you need to go on? He just wants to be friends, what is incorrect with that? As i say, there are many reasons why he would much rather just be friends with you. My advise is that you shouldn’t go on, you will hurt him if you do so. It sounds like you’re quite special to him. Tell him you’re sorry and in honesty you do really want to be friends with him, it’s just that you over- reacted because you couldn’t figure out why he didn’t want to be in a relationship with you. But do tell him that he’s calling you far to often and that he’s going to have to cut the amout of calls by quite a bit!
I hope this helps you! It’s only my advise so you don’t have to take it if you don’t want to:) Excellent luck!
Elias
EDIT: Well, that is a feeling you need to try and control, and eventually get over. It is incorrect to have the attitude that because you can’t have him all to yourself, you won’t have him at all- not even as a friend. It is not his fault that you may not be tender on and making new friends. Every person leads their own life in their own way. He likes to make new friends (maybe because he’s confident), and you may well just prefer to stick to the friends you already have (or maybe you’re just shy to make new ones) Everyone is different, people do what they want, you can do what you want to.
Just try to accept that there are reasons he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, and that they are legitimate. Try your best to just see him as a friend for a while, and if you can’t do that, then maybe you need to go on from him.