I would like to welcome a friend who has volunteered his time to write about what he sees as main blocks or hazards in communications with a spouse or mate. His time-earned wisdom comes from years as an educator, working in the field of psychology and earning him a place to be able to speak of those things. His world traveling, semi-pro photography, and personal travels and growth of his own, has earned him a spot to speak and help others. We used to call them elders, and I don’t think it will offend if I use that term here.

Ken Williams offers his writings in hopes that it may help others grow and learn. Communications is one the largest hurdles when dealing with a spouse, I know from experience that I had a lot of learning to do and how to express what I mean when I say it as to not offend or place hurt on the one I love. This is a battle best not opened, nor perpetuated.

Welcome to Ken and thank you for allowing me to publish your articles on this humble website. I do hope it helps others.

Ken is a retired educator who spends his time working on projects from the heart. He is passionate about family, small farms, local everything and gradually recovering from 40 years of college and university teaching, counseling and psychological evaluations. He does not regret the years he spent in graduate school. However, he has come to appreciate the wisdom of “elders” who may have never finished any formal school programs but learned important lesson from authentic experience.

He lives in northwest Wyoming, rides his bike often, is learning digital photography and has a web site (Ken’s Photo Website Here). He spends time each day with a group of friends who entertain, nurture and occasionally bust his cerebral bubbles with common sense and and a touch of humor.

Ken’s First Words Of Wisdom Shared

The professors went on and on about how to resolve conflict and live well. Problem was, some of these experts had very messy relationships and did not seem able to apply the theories they went on and on about. I still recall wondering about this early on in my formal graduate education. Then one evening I was counseling a couple who shared their conflicts, which reminded me of those in my own marriage.

My wife and I had not been successful in resolving these and here I was advising and counseling a couple. It was a moment of self reflection and led to a career change. I was as guilty of leading a messy life as were the folks who came to me for counsel.

It is now twenty plus years later and I’ve evolved to what I humbly call elder wisdom. The knowledge of my grandparents, ordinary, poorly schooled folks who had a life time of education from experience. Regardless of degrees or lack of degrees, they spoke with common sense and their own truth. I like elder wisdom and am skeptical of a lot of expert advise.

There are simple truths that will be shared in these posts. Such as relationships are complex while living well can be simple. Not easy … simple. One of the simple truths I like, that speaks to the conflicts which are inevitable in all relationship goes like this. Be humble, listen carefully and care.

Humility, acknowledging that my ego gets in the way of solving conflict. I get committed to being “right” and invest my energy into proving my rightness. Which then moves me into not listening carefully to the experiences of the person I am fighting with, which then moves me into caring more for my position and less about caring for the thoughts and feeling expressed by my “opponent”

The conflict is not resolved, I get to add another trophy or wound for my museum of Ego and move on to the next inevitable battle armed with hurt or pride and a guarantee that the next  conflict will only be more intense and lead to bigger problems. Stupid and destructive.

How about making a commitment to shutting my mouth and really caring, listening deeply and moving toward humility. Learning to reflect on my contribution to the mess is a process and takes practice. Feeling and listening to the pain of my opponent is more likely, according to my grandparents, to lead to happier times for all. Worth some effort and self reflection.